Weeklies

Jamie (kid) has drawn a circle, the huge milestone both Gabe (husband) and I have been waiting for (I use pseudonyms for everyone in this newsletter, by the way). He draws more complex things by tracing a loose shape around something—a plastic toy, his stuffed bear, Baby (not a pseudonym), my foot—and then drawing in details (legs, ears, toes) to make the thing look more…realistic. The drawings are eerie and beautiful and hilarious.

Jamie’s drawing of his plastic horse, Swisty, whom he picked out at a dollar store last month

Lately, the best way to distract Jamie when he’s beside himself with frustration is to roleplay. I speak to him with a hilarious-to-me voice through a toy plastic horse, and he immediately zones in, and speaks to (or as?) the horse, in a strange, deep voice. Jamie named the horse Swisty.

We live across the street from the anachronistic Prospect Park Stable, home to a good number of horses and horse people (mostly, but not only, middleschool-age girls). A clunky-sleek new apartment building is being constructed on top of the stables, but horses seem unbothered enough. Jamie is fascinated by them, and afraid. He asks me to hold him if we go nearby for fear they’ll step on or eat him. According to him, the toy horse’s grandparents live in the stable. He narrates their lives in interminable detail. Often, Ama and Papa Horse walk through a long tunnel full of water in the park. I know this is in reference to something we’ve experienced or talked about, but I can’t remember what.

Sometimes we make up stories about Jamiemommy – a large, powerful, ebullient child-person Jamie came up with who reminds me, if I’m being honest, a little of Gabe.  

The roleplaying is a welcome respite, for me, from being the adult in the room. A feeling I realize I almost never escape, at home or at work.

In my work, the adult is my conscious mind, always chasing and curtailing my subconscious. The playful part. I think this comes from growing up differently-brained and having to always second-guess myself in most contexts.

Art was my safe space when I was a kid, but around high school it became another area where I tried to fit in. I became a perfectionist, always trying to do it “right.” The perfectionism didn’t suit me, and I learned to get around it by being quick.

Lately, though, the quickness has failed (something to do with being a parent and seeing through any sense of urgency that isn’t actually a life or death matter), and I’m wanting very much to get back the calm, playful escape making things gave me when I was a kid. I’m trying to take little breaks from being a put-upon parent so I can learn some of this from Jamie.

On that note, I’ve illustrated some of your answers to last week’s question: what is a common pet peeve you are guilty of? (Mine was leaving cabinet doors open. I do not repent!). This week’s question, which is about weird rituals, is up now as a thread – please join the conversation!

For paid subscribers, I’ll also put out a thread where I’ll answer your questions (suggested topic: cartooning. But ask me anything). Ask away, and I’ll be circle back next Monday or Tuesday to answer – in written comment form.  

Last thing: for a limited time (is that a tautology?), founding members ($100/year) get a complimentary “redrawn original” of their choice. (What’s a redrawn original? It’s any simple-ish drawing I’ve posted here or on Instagram, redrawn at 8x10 inches and mailed to you). Which is much less than I usually charge for them.