The one time I️ got a Tarot reading, by my friend Lucky Benson, who is legitimately psychic (I️ might be, too, but I️’m a snob about it and don’t use the expected channels), the cards said I️ was on the verge of turning inward. I️ don’t remember when this was, exactly, although I️ remember the evening vividly: the spacious bar with the diner booths, the empty fountain in Washington Square Park. I️ think about the reading a lot, because it forecasted the next thing, even if the next thing started a year or two later.
Marriage, baby-having and parenting have, for me, been an exercise in turning inward. On the one hand, you have to lead a quieter life with a baby, you want to. But it’s been more than that, too - a systemic cutting-off of any time away from the family not absolutely necessary for paid work. Meetings, social things, and the free-floaty time needed for thinking have gone out the window. The mystery is have I️ been forced to cut back this much, or have I️ allowed—even willed—it to happen?
This year, I’ve made a conscious, if shaky, effort to burst out, both in small and large ways. The main way: I’ve been renovating a house. I’m not doing it myself. I’ve been managing a contractor, with a lot of help from my parents, especially my mom, whose first career was as an architect. I’ve felt optimistic, powerful, lucky, involved in something fast-paced, happily distracted both from work and family, and asway on a high tightrope of risk. The expense will likely turn out alright if my career keeps growing, disastrous if it slows down.
Being involved in a house is something I’ve always felt I️ needed to do.
My mom has a specific way of turning her life (and the rest of the family’s, too) into stories, and I️ have a specific way of refracting stories, so the following is my interpretation of my mom’s interpretation of the truth. I️ made a version of this story into a book a while back. Complicated, but I️ have a right to tell it because one is entitled to one’s own origin story, even if it was authored by other people (parents). Anyway, here goes.
Taking a break to tell you some things:
My new children’s book, Mixed Feelings, can be ordered HERE.
Prints on my website - including some new ones, more on those next week -
Instagram ~ @lianafinck
Bluesky ~ @lianafinck.bsky.social
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