On writer's block, from inside it

We’re in an air B and B with my parents in the Berkshires for my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding. I’m deliberately writing this before the wedding because I’m afraid afterwards I won’t be able to write anything not about the wedding, but that it will still be too recent for me to sift out what’s too personal to write about. So I’m writing now, morning-of.

Here’s a bad likeness of my most dear builder son. As a non-builder, I️ refuse to draw legos, even the giant kind.

I don’t think of myself as generally anxious (I think of myself as someone with weird sensory wiring that makes her anxious!), but it’s been an anxious week. I was up all night regretting my decision to the dog with a sitter in Bed Stuy—the only person we’ve found who will watch her, but an unpleasantly scoldy person (just your run-of-the-mill dog trainer, but I don’t do so well with that type)—expensive, and a 40-minute drive(!).

I have a theory that being scoldy is a neurological type, much like ADHD or Autism, and that scolds gravitate naturally to certain callings/professions: dog trainer, postal worker, activist, scholar, Prospect Park biker, food coop member. (Scolding can also be cultural. Germans, Israelis, I see and appreciate you).

When I’d planned all this a month ago, I’d been worried about bringing Penny to the air b-and-b for a bunch of logistical reasons, all of which seemed inconsequential when compared to the inconvenient Bed Stuy drive and the dogsitter’s unwieldy need for to-the-minute punctuality. And the main thing: the dog is only truly happy on the rare occasions we’re able to take her out of the city. I can’t believe I passed up this chance to let her be herself. She and I️ are pretty enmeshed.

I was up all night last night regretting the dog-boarding decision and others: the hotel we’re staying at tonight (much closer to the late-night wedding but also more expensive, and Jamie is losing a precious day with my parents), leaving Jamie at the hotel with a babysitter instead of bringing him to the ceremony, the Canadian book festival I’d looked forward to but backed out of for fear that the festival+the wedding+the pregnancy+the kid would push me over the edge into the kind of exhaustion you don’t climb out of.

In other words: I lay awake worrying about lots of things I didn’t need to worry about.

The clinical term for this is anxiety.

Putting the rest of this long illustrated newsletter behind a paywall, but first, some housekeeping. First: VOTE. Vote vote vote. May I️ recommend Kamala.

If you live in NYC I️ recommend voting yes on prop 1 and no on 2-6, which I️ hear are pet propositions of our dear mayor.

Second, if you’re feeling like buying something relatively affordable (I️ hear this is a nice way to manage stress), and if you’ve ALREADY DONATED TO MONDAIRE JONES’S RUN FOR CONGRESS - note that he’d be a no-brainer to win in lovely blue NY district 17 if Elon Musk weren’t pouring money into the other side - I️ have two new Archie’s Press letterpress prints in my online shop:

This one -

and This one

Timely, no?

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but I️ appreciate you either way.